I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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