Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
