Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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