you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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