I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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