my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
