dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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