my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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