Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
