please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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