I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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