i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
