You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
