Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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