Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
