So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
