So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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