So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
