after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
