Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
