forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
