There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
