So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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