So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
