Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
