I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
