she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
