she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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