My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
