I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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