So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
