My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
