Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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