Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He passed out mid-signature
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
