I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
