Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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