I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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