i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
