all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
