Little spoons don't ask big questions
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
