Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
