We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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