I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
