I must be too annoying 4 u.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
