pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
