I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
