I accidentally burped into my bong.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
