Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
