i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
