Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
