I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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