Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
