Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
