It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
