I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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