8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she smelled like a LAN party
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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