Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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