ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
