the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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