I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
