just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
