Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
