If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Randomize
