Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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