dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
