he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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