Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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