she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
