Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
