let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
