I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
