Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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