There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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