i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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