Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
