sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
