Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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