My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
