I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
