Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
