hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
