Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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