she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
