i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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