I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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