Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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